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| OK Alrighty, Oky Doky, Right, Well then...and all those other starter phrases...I am frustrated right now. Frustrated for a number of different reasons, some I will mention and other will remain bottled up inside me for the present, but Ug I have to write something to empty my mind enough to be able to sleep well tonight. First and most insignificantly, my socks stink. This is the second day in a row that they have stunk and I'm starting to worry that my new shoes are not all thier cracked up too be (frowny face) so that's enough to get me started on thinking about all the things that are wrong in my life. The problem is there really isn't anything (besides my stinky feet) that is really wrong in my life right now. Life is good, I have nothing to complain about...but I'M NOT CONTENT! Dang it I wish I were. I'm sick of trying to figure out how to live the perfect life and feeling like I"m just bumbling along. Really I'm not bumbling at all, I am living...I'm just not feeling like I am right now, well not today anyway. The way my crazy emotions go I'll probably be just fine tomorow. Ug, well I was going to go on and on and on and on and on but it seems I'm being kicked off the computer right now so you are all spared the verbal reprocutions of my anger knot tonight. Toodles for now little blog spot! | | |
| I just bought a pear of brand spanking new shoes :o) I'm wearing them right now and am very excited with my purcahse. I think that buying shoes is one of the most satisfying kinds of shopping because you get to wear your shoes all the time. Whenever the day begins to get a little blue I just have to look down to be reminded that "Oh yeah I have a fun new pear of shoes" and then life is some how better. The only down side to a new pear of shoes is getting rid of the old ones. I was just thinking about what I was going to do with my old run down grey and pink converse sneakers now that they've been replaced. It's hard to throw them away because really they represent the last couple of years of my life. They've been with me practically everywhere I've gone and in been a part of efery experience, good or bad...you can't just chuck something like that in the bin. In fact, they've served me so well that they are now run down to the point of having holes everywhere, having almost no heal at all and are worn down perfectly to the shape of my foot and my walk. In a sense my old tennis shoes have become real. I just might have to write them a poem before I throw them. | | |
| If I were home right now I'd be: - Bundling up with hat and mittens before going outside
- Helping dad make dinner and pies
- Snuggling on the couch and reading to Sammy
- Gezing/wondering around down town looking in shop windows or sitting at a cafe' with friends sipping tea or Cofee maybe eating a cheeze cake on the side
- Helping Gulsen organize the apartment and make tea time goodies and pasteries
- Taking the bus to the movies
- Walking down town at night smelling the roasting chestnuts maybe buying some hot salep
- Buying fresh produce from the outside pazar near our house and tasting all the free samples offered by the venders
- Doing dishes while talking to mom about anything and everything
- Playing mom's guitar exploring all the stange old music books left undescovered on the bookshelves
- Playing lego's with sammy or fighting off goblins and saving countries with a sword and a super power
- Reading with daddy
- Setting up my doll house for the gazillionth time
- Discussing all sorts of interesting theological or philosofical topics at the dinner table
- Eating apple pie alamode
- Flopping on my parents bed and watching mommy bustle about getting ready for the day
- Putting Sammy to bed, tucking him in and making him giggle and become way too hyper to ever actually fall asleep
- Bieng volunteered by mom for all sorts of ministry opportunities
- Listening to Dar Williams and Rich Mullins in the car on the way to who knows where
- Helping Dad make strogonaugh ( I can make it but I have no idea how to spell it)
- Watching the Pooksters play basketball
- Waking up to breakfast in the morning with daddy, fried eggs, freshly squeezed orange juice, home made bread and a Cappaccino
- building frorts in the snow and snow men with Sammy
- Staying up much too late watching old movies with Mommy Dot
Gee, really I can't imagine why I miss home so much! | | |
| On Saturday after thirteen hours of work I drove to Uncle Dan's house to spend sunday with him. It was hard week at work, I flet like a mother who needed about five more hands and spent most of Saturday wishing, yes wishing I could just tie all the kids up and tape thier mouths shut and be done with it. I guess it really is a good thing that "wishing don't make it so." The worst part was that on Sunday I couldn't get the kids out of my head. I dreamed about them Saturday night and I couldn't stop thinking on Sunday either of what I could have done or said that would better have helped the kids or of why on earth I was doing this job. I felt so grown up and stressed out (which is what I really spend my life trying not to feel like) so yeah it was a rough weekend. Having said as much though what is really facinating to me and what really prompted this blog is how I felt on Monday when I went back to work. Yesterday I spent the majority of my day either sitting on a childs legs in ordert to keep her (and us) safe or sitting at another girls door blocking her from getting out and running away forever trying to convincer her that really she didn't want to hang herself and that even though she couldn't eat her lime right now or go trick or treating that life was still worth living (I think she might have gotten it at the end of the day, but really you can never be sure). So yeah, that was Monday and some how I came home feeling so happy and confident that I am really in the right place right now and just convinced that I love my job. I even enjoyed driving home (which I usually hate because freeways are stressful in the dark) I felt like the litte brown bear on the red motorcycle just puttering on through life. WIERD...Why was Monday so much more satisfying the Saturday? All I can come up with is that I did a lot of praying on Sunday and that really my emotions are just as sporadic as the kids that I work with I've just learned how to respond in a socially accpetable way to my buizarr thoughts and feeling. Ah Life! | | |
| Hello there friends and family of mine, So my fingers are ready to prattle about life again. I don't plan on being quite so eloquent this time cause I have lots of silly little things I'm itching to sketch out. Life is getting better as I am getting more used to my schedule and things are starting to slowly normalize. I had an exciting week though this past week and the fact that I can describe it as exciting and not horrifying is how I know that things really are getting better. On Tuesday I drove down to Uncle Dan's to get a little oil change for my car and have it checked on and all that fun stuff. It turned out that I had to get knew break pads and they suggested that I get new tires as well. I found out they were a little pricy so I said I'd wait on the tires but went a head and got the break pads. So after waiting there for a couple hours I was happy to finally be able to head off to Uncle Dan's house and relax, but sadly that wasn't to be. Some how my brain had a huge (and sadly expensive) hickup when I was turning right onto Uncle Dan's street and I turned too sharp, rode right over the curb and crunched up not just the tires but yes the wheels themselves. I was so scared (but yes, so brave as well he he he) I called the old Uncle and then triple A. I had to get the car towed back to the car place (which was pretty embarassing to have to show up there again) and wait all over. Happy to say though it all turned out in the end, I have a wonderful Uncle who helped me out and the little repair people were very nice. The car is fine now and I was able to have a lovely evening. So yeah, the car thing was the big excitement. Work has been pretty tiring this week as well, especially yesterday which I spent having way too much fun with a whole bunch of hyper nine year olds. I was exausted when I got home at ten because I definitely played hard all day. So now I'm looking forward to my leasurly days off. :o) On a different note, I still havn't figured out how I'm going to go about the whole graduate school thing. I've been slacking on the studying part of taking the GRE's but I still want to take them in November. It always surprises me how fast time flies when you don't want it to. Well, I guess I better get my day started for real so as to catch time before it all gets away from me. Can I just end my little blathering by saying that today is a good day and that's exciting because I hadn't realised how much I missed good days. Days that are good just because your alive. (sorry about the dippiness but I'm too good a day to be ablr to avoid it :o) | | |
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